I’ll be the first one to say it and I’ll say it out loud…ARGUING SUCKS! Why should two people argue about anything when they can have a conversation, a civil discussion, perhaps a mildly intense respectful two-way dialogue amongst themselves? There’s no love in yelling at each other. It’s much easier and so less stressful than throwing verbal daggers and transferring low level catabolic energy back and forth. This kind of “red hot” environment accomplishes nothing except more frustration, hurt feelings, doubt, anger, distrust and so much more internal strife. Are these the ingredients for a healthy mutually respectful relationship? I think not! Listen, arguments are inevitable in just about any relationship. Most therapists will agree that if two people in a committed relationship never argue, then it’s most certain that there are some deeper issues in that relationship. Think about it, if you and your partner never have a disagreement how can either of you know what makes the other tick or tock. Sure there’s such thing as ‘soul mates’ and ‘kindred spirits’ and all of that stuff but to not have one disagreement? That can’t possibly be a fun or a sincere relationship!
The point here is not so much about whether you argue at all, a little or a lot but more so about how you handle each other during the state of disagreement. You must try and see the situation from the other person’s perspective. As difficult as this can be (and boy do I know) it’s imperative. It’s understood that you’re human and with that understanding, it also means that you are very subjective to how you perceive things. It makes sense. However, the personal development occurs for you when you put forth the effort to be objective in disagreements with your mate. He/she will most certainly appreciate you for this. If you stretch yourself for no other reason, at least do it for the love of your mate.
Because arguments suck, it just makes sense to find the greater value in your commitment to one another and exert all of your positive energy to enhancing your lives together rather than tearing them apart.
Everyone knows that trust is key to a successful relationship. Once it’s broken, it’s damn near impossible to repair. In the realm of relationships, trust is normally the Victim (figuratively) that is abused by a cheating partner. In a modern world of “easy access” and over exposure to people across the world, there’s virtually always “opportunity” to hook up with someone albeit, virtually, emotionally, telecommunication or the old fashion way…in person. Opportunity always seems to be knocking and more people are answering. And I don’t mean just men, I mean women too. It has become increasing challenging to simply focus on the person in front of you, you know, the one you proclaim to love with all of your heart.
What’s the answer? How does one combat this cheating epidemic? Well, I can’t say that there is a “best answer”. All I can offer is this valuable insight. Accountability is important, most certainly. In addition, tap in into this ancient thing called integrity. Usually, if you have any at all, it will supersede your temptations and offer logic, compassion and probably most of all common sense. However, none of this matters if you know your heart isn’t with the one you’re currently committed to. If you know you want to surf the waters of various sex partners and emotional waves with a spectrum of opportunities to do so…then you should spare the one you’re with and move on. Give him/her a chance to find happiness elsewhere. No matter how hard you think it may be to break away, it has to much easier than covering up or being someone you are not.
December 14th, 2009 |
by Shelby M. Hill |
Published in
Dating, Marriage
Being in a relationship for a any period of time will lend a great level of comfortableness. What you don’t want is to become Too Comfortable- so comfortable that you are passive and stagnant. If there’s not any “stretching” of either parties within the relationship than this can easily diminish to be something even far less than a “comfort zone”. A “comfort zone” is certainly not healthy for a relationship. The relationship manifest into a surface union that minimizes communication and sexuality between you and your partner.
A comfort zone provides the illusion of a “safe” relationship in terms of minimizing conflict. However, the comfort zone also is filled with compromise which leads to unmet needs and desires due to lack of pro-activity. As Dr. Phil suggest, if you are in a “comfort zone” you are failing to meet your responsibilities in the relationship. Don’t be dragged down by your partner with complacency, get control of your life and take back your relationship.
This is one of the greatest myths about sex and relationships. Sex should not be used as a barometer for a “good” relationship. A healthy and fulfilling relationship is a collage of intimate communications, an intrinsic emotional bond, shared spiritual and moral values coupled with sexual compatibility. By no means is sex designed to be the foundation of two people. Sex is simply another way for people to connect. It enables us to escape, if you will, the day to day fast paced environment we live we are enthralled in.
As I mentioned before, sex is a vehicle to express ourselves typically with some one we have attraction for or have feelings for. It’s a way of demonstrating trust between individuals. Allow me to make this point, sex is good. It’s good for people to experience it. It’s great exercise, it’s a great stress release. However, sex is not everything in a relationship. Think about this, if you have a fulfilling relationship sex probably makes up less than 15 percent of the relationship, which leaves 85 percent of the rest of the relationship is what’s most important to you. Conversely, if sex is a huge problem in the relationship then it becomes the primary focus therefore making it a super-sized issue in the relationship.
Sex, overall, is much more than physical intercourse or penetration. It’s a combination of emotional and mental connection, therefore, all forms of intimacy such as caressing, kissing, holding,touching, spoken words are all applicable. Chemistry is essential, just note that when all forms of intimacy are exercised “good sex” can happen but “good sex” does not equal a good relationship. If you’re basing your relationship on sex alone…be prepared to sexually drained and emotionally empty in present and future relationships.
conversation, a civil discussion, perhaps a mildly intense respectful two-way dialogue amongst themselves? There’s no love in yelling at each other. It’s much easier and so less stressful than throwing verbal daggers and transferring low level catabolic energy back and forth. This kind of “red hot” environment accomplishes nothing except more frustration, hurt feelings, doubt, anger, distrust and so much more internal strife. Are these the ingredients for a healthy mutually respectful relationship? I think not! Listen, arguments are inevitable in just about any relationship. Most therapists will agree that if two people in a committed relationship never argue, then it’s most certain that there are some deeper issues in that relationship. Think about it, if you and your partner never have a disagreement how can either of you know what makes the other tick or tock. Sure there’s such thing as ‘soul mates’ and ‘kindred spirits’ and all of that stuff but to not have one disagreement? That can’t possibly be a fun or a sincere relationship!
trust is normally the Victim (
diminish to be something even far less than a “comfort zone”. A “comfort zone” is certainly not healthy for a relationship. The relationship manifest into a surface union that minimizes communication and sexuality between you and your partner.
