Arguing Sucks!

I’ll be the first one to say it and I’ll say it out loud…ARGUING SUCKS! Why should two people argue about anything when they can have a conversation, a civil discussion, perhaps a mildly intense respectful two-way dialogue amongst themselves? There’s no love in yelling at each other. It’s much easier and so less stressful than throwing verbal daggers and transferring low level catabolic energy back and forth. This kind of “red hot” environment accomplishes nothing except more frustration, hurt feelings, doubt, anger, distrust and so much more internal strife. Are these the ingredients for a healthy mutually respectful relationship? I think not! Listen, arguments are inevitable in just about any relationship. Most therapists will agree that if two people in a committed relationship never argue, then it’s most certain that there are some deeper issues in that relationship. Think about it, if you and your partner never have a disagreement how can either of you know what makes the other tick or tock. Sure there’s such thing as ‘soul mates’ and ‘kindred spirits’ and all of that stuff but to not have one disagreement? That can’t possibly be a fun or a sincere relationship!

The point here is not so much about whether you argue at all, a little or a lot but more so about how you handle each other during the state of disagreement. You must try and see the situation from the other person’s perspective. As difficult as this can be (and boy do I know) it’s imperative. It’s understood that you’re human and with that understanding, it also means that you are very subjective to how you perceive things. It makes sense. However, the personal development occurs for you when you put forth the effort to be objective in disagreements with your mate. He/she will most certainly appreciate you for this. If you stretch yourself for no other reason, at least do it for the love of your mate.

Because arguments suck, it just makes sense to find the greater value in your commitment to one another and exert all of your positive energy to enhancing your lives together rather than tearing them apart.

Be Strong. Be Empowered. ™

Shelby M. Hill, MBA, CPC

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